I grew up as the son of a hairdresser. When I was in the 5th grade, my mother enrolled in Gene Juarez’s Academy of Beauty right by Northgate Mall where she learned not only how to cut and color hair, but also the art of listening to her clients – the stories they had to share about their husbands, boyfriends and significant others when it came love (or trying to find it).
Getting their hair done was just a partial excuse to come over to my mom’s in-home salon, which did leave them feeling better about themselves whether they had a cover up of graying roots, new color altogether or permed hair that was straight or vice versa. Another reason they particularly enjoyed coming to Mom’s salon was to read all the trashy gossip magazines she kept in stock for their perusal including US Weekly, People, OK! among her collection of other typical magazines found in an inner-city salon such as Vogue, W and InStyle. Sure, they occasionally checked out the latter publications to stay current on what’s hot, though those periodicals rarely got flipped through because they didn’t have the black and white details of whom was dating or breaking-up with whom.
But it’s certainly nothing new to read about the relationship drama going on in the world of celebrities to feel better about oneself. Demi Announces Split with Ashton. TomKat (Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes) DeClawed: Divorce Settlement Finalized. Ricky Martin Dating Valerio Pino?
The headlines of these articles pull us in as they dish the stories we long to hear while remaining matter-of-fact for the most part allowing us to separate fact from emotion. At least that’s what one of my friends, David, thought as he went back-and-forth trying to decide if he should break up with his boyfriend just before the holidays began. He liked certain things about the guy he was seeing, but there were other aspects of his newer relationship (less than 5 months) that he just did not vibe with. It was early November. Could he see it through for another month to see if this beau of his would shape up to be the man he was looking for or prove otherwise? Did he want someone to snuggle up with for the cold Seattle winter ahead? He had to decide if he wanted to break up before the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season or just after the New Year as well… decisions, decisions.
After thinking about it for weeks, he found himself yet again pondering the future of his relationship while waiting at the supermarket checkout. Right in front of him were all of the headlines in bold of celebrity breakups and misfortune, which seemed just so depressing. “At least it’s already done and they can move on with their lives.” David thought. Finally, he picked up a copy of US Weekly despite his better judgment and threw it in with the rest of the groceries in his bag.
Later in the evening, as David had finished his dinner, he couldn’t help but think how his life wasn’t too far different from the celebrity relationships he had read about. Those magazines pointed out reasons for both parties to separate, which when read aloud, seemed like a sound decision for the affected parties… with all of the supportive facts to back it up. The thought of having that conversation with his boyfriend, though, was a thorn at his side that he wanted to go away. He reached for his US Weekly and scanned all of the Break-Up articles contained therein. One after the other all of them had this style of writing about them – a stating of facts rather than opinion. David could see how these stories not only made him feel better about himself, but also how they seemed so frank, to the point, without any gray area when it came to reasons for these hot couples to break-up. “It all just seems to make sense that if I can write out the logical reasons for wanting to break-up and/or stay together, the writing will show me what I need to do.”
He threw on his favorite cabin socks and flannel pajamas, sank into his favorite armchair and thus began writing the obituary of his own relationship.
***
Headline:
“David Winters Calls It Quits with Chad Michael Scott”
After just about four months of what we’ll call “dating”, David and Chad Michael are parting ways. The two had met at a party – each came as a guest of another friend at the lake view estate of gay, Seattle-based artist, Chris Waters. David was admiring a collection of art when Chad Michael arrived on the scene at the same gallery area of the home finding mutual interest in a provocative piece inspired from Mr. Waters’ travels in South America. Indeed, it was a great story of how they met. They had seen each other everyday for their first week of acquaintance where sexual energy and attraction were clear and apparent with open possibilities.
David had just began researching his upcoming trip to Buenos Aires when he serendipitously had his first date with Chad Michael who spoke about the intensity of Argentinian tango.
Originally from Florida, Scott had relocated to the Seattle area along with his partner at the time in mid-2010. Although Scott had alluded to Winters that he was a bit rusty in the dating scene having since separated from his partner for two years already and hadn’t gone on many dates, Winters remained optimistic that Scott would be able to re-ignite his romantic-side during the courtship.
Ultimately, Winters cites lack of romance, passion and perhaps varying love language expression from Scott as key areas in their relationship mismatch. Additionally, concerns about Scott’s reconciliation with his past relationships and ability to move forward into new relationships (without too much baggage) come into consideration. Whether or not certain character traits are just core to Chad Michael’s personality have yet to be discerned.
“There were many fun dates that I wanted to go on!” says David who felt that seeing Scott once every 10 days for sex and morning after eggs and coffee wasn’t sufficient in his world of romance.
Scott had a challenging work schedule as well serving as part of an in-flight air crew (flight attendant) on Delta Airlines not knowing what his schedule would be until only the week prior to his upcoming shifts. Winters worked the classic 9-5 shift as a financial analyst in downtown Seattle with Russell Investments where he valued his sense of routine and regularity. Although schedules may have not matched as consistently as he preferred, David attempted to make the most of the time he could get with Chad Michael by scheduling actual dates with his beau ahead of time. Unfortunately, David’s intentional planning was not reciprocated – at least to the same level resulting in obvious frustration.
In all this time that the two have spent together, David remains upbeat and positive. “I think we have a real opportunity to remain friends if we can first have a clear break period. Chad Michael has some great qualities as a person and if we can remove the romantic expectation from the relationship, then things can be transformed for the better, long-term.”
Winters wishes Scott the best and has only the best intentions for his former boyfriend. He’ll continue to patronize parties of up-and-coming artists on Capitol Hill while making long-term travel plans to South America. Winters has decided to move forward with a renewed sense of passion and purpose. The details of his liaison with Chad Michael will remain out of the public eye for the immediate future.
***
That night, David read and reread his writing several times internalizing the moments he scripted on paper until they became his reality. Especially towards the end, the details and reasons for his break-up didn’t seem too bad after he wrote it down. He embraced it in fact. What cemented his resolve about Chad Michael was a story on Katie Holmes after her divorce from Tom Cruise:
So if Holmes has proved anything, it’s that you can make the best of the very worst while in the public eye. She didn’t make a spectacle, she made her moves quietly and paparazzi-free, and publicly she’s come out a better version of herself.
It’s those words that are the current motivation for David. Although a few of his friends know about his break-up (myself included) he’s been rather private. Instead, he plans to focus on his own goals to become a better version of himself. He’s confident, “I don’t necessarily plan to date right away, but I’m going to work on myself so that I’m proud of how I’m spending my life. If the right guy comes along, I won’t regret who I am at that moment when he does.”
Right now, if you are going through a break-up or have been considering it, the most important thing you can do is be honest with yourself. Do I have a future with this person? Why am I hanging onto something that’s ‘just OK’? Perhaps writing down a break-up story in a gossip-style magazine format isn’t your thing, but doing so did provide my friend another angle at looking at his current situation to process it.
Two particular articles on break-ups that helped him out during this time were: